We All Have Our Demons

I was in the bathroom at work today, and as I stopped at the sink to wash my hands, I noticed the woman a couple sinks down feverishly soaping and wringing her hands under the running water. It actually made me wash my hands longer, because she was so into it and I didn’t want to seem like a slacker. I didn’t think too much of it really, because I’ve seen a few people before who really try to stick to the 2-minute hand washing rule.

What I did notice was when she stepped away from the sink to get a paper towel, she left the water running. As she stood there drying her hands I wondered if she just forgot to shut it off, but no – she came back over with a new, clean paper towel in her hand, using it to shut off the faucet. She didn’t want to touch the faucet with her clean hands.

She tossed this paper towel in the trash, got another paper towel, and used it to open the door handle. Apparently the faucet germs could not mingle with the door handle germs.

I can appreciate cleanliness, but I admit I address the little germs lurking everywhere by just trying not to think about them too much. I attempt to keep things clean, but also recognize that it’s nearly impossible to rid any given surface of all germs, and I’d really like to spend my life living vs. constantly cleaning. There is also a little thing called immunity building that needs to occur. Just my take.

Anyway, everyone has their issues, pet peeves, whatever you call them. This woman is a germophobe - whatever. What struck me is the fact that she ran water for 2 minutes to wash her hands, let the water run for another minute while drying her hands, and used at least 4 paper towels (that I could see) in the process.

As I was lamenting the cumulative use of natural resources this woman must generate over the course of a day, it also occurred to me what a process it must be for her just to get through a simple activity, and how positively exhausting that must be to sustain. Then I felt a little bad.

I hope you find peace, hand-washing lady.

March Madness

Ah, so it's been awhile...this month has been absolutely crazy. We've just been busy, running here and there, a visit from my parents, among other things. But the craziness is mostly centered around me working a lot of hours, including some travel to Memphis. When one of us travels it usually throws everyone a little out of whack, and this time the morning I returned, Lucy started throwing up. A stomach bug. I stayed home with her in the morning and Husband took the 2nd shift. She was fine in a day, but it threw my work schedule off in a very busy time, so I worked 8-4 on Friday (which is typically a 1/2 day) and then went back about 8:30PM-12:30AM. I wanted to get it over with and be able to relax and spend time with Lucy the rest of the weekend.

So I relaxed, and just after lunch on Saturday, it was my turn to get the bug. Husband was sick too, so we had to ship Lucy off to Auntie Candy's house and try to get some rest. We picked her up after lunch today and tried to get her to nap before going to Little Gym. She had a major meltdown after I woke her up and needless to say, we never made it. Her tummy was bothering her tonight, so here's hoping it passes and we wake up to a healthy girl tomorrow.

I have a few things to share with you all, including Lucy's first haircut, and of course her 22-month update. See you soon!

Lucy Time

It's been pretty quiet around here lately. The past couple of weekends we have been sticking close to home, which has been nice considering how busy things had been at the end of the summer, and how busy they are bound to be once the holiday season kicks in.

Weekends are also my Lucy Time. Since I have gone back to work, it's been a bit difficult to adjust to not seeing her during her most active hours. I get a little bit of time in the morning, but that's pretty hectic as the four of us prepare for our day. Most days by the time I get home I have about 1-2 hours before she goes to bed, and that time is spent playing with her a little bit, but then winding her down for bedtime. It's nice to have that time after 8PM to get a few things done around the house or just relax, but sometimes I wish she stayed up a little longer. So the weekends (starting with Friday afternoons), Lucy is pretty much attached to my hip. I try to spend as much time with her as possible, while taking care of errands or other obligations as well.

This past week Lucy also started daycare, which for right now is her Auntie Marcey. It feels great to know that she is getting a lot of attention from someone I trust completely and who loves her so much, but it still marks that transition to someone besides Husband or I providing primary care for her. So again, the weekends I am diving back into her routine, discovering the new things she can do. Making the most of the time I have, and trying not to feel guilty when I need to get out of the house once in awhile and do something for me. The weekdays are about just maintaining, trying to stay on top of things enough to get through the week...and the weekends are living...and trying to catch up enough to start the week in a good place.

Such is life, you know? I have to say my transition to work has probably been done in the easiest possible way - first Husband was home with her, now she is with her aunt...so I should be at least a little more comfortable by the time "official" daycare kicks in. I know lots of women do this, but for me it is a little bit of a struggle right now to feel balanced, and I don't think that's really going to ever go away.

I am told this is called being a M-O-M. And that is one title I wouldn't change for the world.

The End of the Road

Well folks, the time has come. After spending the past three months at home with my beautiful daughter, tomorrow I go back to work.

There are the obvious separation anxieties, the feelings that I'm going to miss something new Lucy does or that she's going to wonder why her mommy is not there as much. Although this will be extremely difficult, I know that it will get better and that we will still have a special bond. The fact that her father will be staying home with her the next 4 weeks eases that transition a bit. There is also a part of me that is looking forward to going back, to exercising that part of my brain again, and to getting into a more "normal" routine. But there is something else that has been bothering me as I prepare to go back.

A mere twelve weeks ago I gave birth; I brought forth a life into this world. As I look back I realize that my life, our family life, has changed so much in that time. Not only the physicality and emotionality of giving birth, but now having a baby relying on us for everything, and also having a teenager living with us now. This all happened about the same time. I have never really stopped to process this information, I just dug in and did what I needed to do. Life is really no longer about me, or about Husband and I (just walk into a room with a baby and you'll see what I mean!). Priorities are very different. At times the responsibility seems so heavy, and scary. There has been so much change, and things keep changing. It is now hitting me that this is a lot for a person to absorb.

Additionally, in going back to work I am now faced with the thing that I probably feared the most before I even had Lucy - maintaining work/life balance. I foresee this being the most meltdown-inducing situation in the coming months. My personality is such that I want to please everyone and do everything. I am an above average multi-tasker, but I have my limits. The trouble is, I don't always know when or how to stop. I forget that sometimes I need time just for me, and that's OK. I usually end up getting to my wit's end and temporarily falling off the edge. I can blame this on no one but myself, but I also need to rely on those closest to me to reel me in before I get too deep. Good news is, I now have a much greater incentive to maintain that balance.


Funny how someone so small, can teach a lesson so big.

So it's another deep breath, another step forward, another transition. Wish me luck!

Sweet Potato

It's been a crazy week, people. It started at 2AM Sunday morning with me barfing, which continued, along with other unpleasant things, until late Sunday afternoon. Symptoms lingered through Monday, so I couldn't even enjoy an unplanned day off work. Pretty sure it was food poisoning. Not fun in any case, and extra worrisome when you're preggers. All seems to be relatively back to normal now, though my stomach is still a little testy. Just so you aren't disillusioned into thinking life is perfect around here, now Husband and I are both nursing colds. It's always something.

So what else is going on? Well, it was back to work this week, although I didn't take much extra time off during the holidays. I guess the vacation was mostly from everyone else, as there was virtually nobody in the office between Christmas and New Year's. The sick day Monday helped keep the week short, but we are now entering the long stretch of gray, dreary, cold weather and no official holidays to look forward to (I don't work for one of those government institutions that get all of the President's birthdays off).

The other news this week is that my belly is most definitely growing. I think part of it is the fact I'm regaining the weight I lost while sick, and part is that I am just simply almost 19 weeks pregnant. It's enough of a bump for me to notice, but not enough to make it totally obvious to others. I'm in that "maybe she just gained weight" phase. It's actually kind of reassuring to see it grow, as I've had minimal obvious pregnancy side effects and this tells me that something is definitely going on in there. According to thebump.com, which compares the baby to a fruit or vegetable each week, I am now housing something the size of a sweet potato (soon to be a mango). Still not too big, but considering it started out as a poppy seed, I think we're doing pretty well.

So that's what's going on at our house.

Travelin'

I'm in Dallas. Just thought you all would want to know. Actually, I figured some of you were getting sick of seeing that Hawkeye logo, and to that I say too bad. Go cry in your red and gold beer.

I am down in the great state of Texas for some training for my company. I flew down in a tiny regional jet, only 4 seats across and only about 3 inches taller than the top of my head. I also sat next to a mildly crazy lady, who randomly blurted things out (even though I was clearly reading or trying to sleep) like:

"I was just at my nephew's wedding in Winnepeg. He married a Vietnamese. It worked out well."

"Are you much into reflexology?"

"I like to wear hats, this is my favorite hat."

O-kay.

Aside from that, the flight was pretty uneventful and I arrived here about 8:30PM. From our training agenda I'm guess I won't be seeing much outside of the American Airlines Conference Center for the next 3 days. Cheers.

Remember Laffy Taffy?

Why did the apple turn over?

Because it was jealous of the jelly roll.

Cut me some slack, I'm still at work and I'm supposed to be done at noon on Fridays. Also on hour 48 and counting for the week. Hooray for the weekend!

All in a Day's Work

A lot of people ask me what I do for a living, and sometimes it's difficult to explain. The short of it is that I work for a consulting firm which primarily consists of engineers, but I am not an engineer. I am a planner, which can mean many different things. Most of the time, for me it means that I study the social and environmental impacts of transportation projects, and I help clients (mostly public agencies) navigate through the state and federal environmental processes. While that is the base of what I do, my day-to-day duties can vary widely. This is partly the nature of planning, partly the nature of consulting firms, and partly the nature of ME, in that I like to dabble in lots of things. Today was no exception, and as I look back on the day I realize it's a nice snapshot of the potential things I can do in a day. It was a bit of an atypical day because I had an evening meeting, which doesn't happen often. But here's an overview of what I might do in a day, as represented by today's events:

- meeting with northern suburb city administrator regarding potential commuter rail station in that community
- meeting to discuss operation and maintenance facility options for a light rail transit line between Minneapolis and St. Paul, and potential impacts to historic and recreational resources
- conference call to discuss interchange design concepts for a highway project, and planning for next public open house
- Update resume for proposal due 9/15
-Work with supervisee to plan a field visit to several potential commuter rail station sites for a feasibility study we are doing
- Answer calls from property owners in small town west of Minneapolis, regarding revised shoreland ordinance I authored
- Planning Commission meeting to present said ordinance in front of about 50 residents (got tables so I'll be back again in a month)

Tomorrow I will:
- tour a 30-mile proposed commuter rail corridor and field visit (take photos and document natural resources) 7 potential station sites.
- attend committee meeting of one community in the corridor to give overview of project
- return to office and finalize environmental document for highway project that affects a U.S. Fish and Wildlife easement
- finish invoicing for 3 projects I am managing - one day late because I was too busy to do it today!

That's me in a nutshell. Any given day, I could be doing something different...but this is a good representation. Highway and transit projects, feasibility studies and environmental documents, with a little project management thrown in. Such is my daily grind!

What Keeps Me Coming Back Everyday

1. I was in a meeting with a lady talking about National Urban Runoff Program ponds, or "NURP" ponds (rhymes with burp). Throughout the conversation she kept calling it"NERF." What is a Nerf pond like? If you throw something into it, does it bounce back? I bet it's a really good skipping-rocks pond.

2. There is a woman in my office who has a framed photo of the band Def Leppard displayed prominently on a shelf in her cube. Don't get me wrong, I've been known to belt out a little "Pour Some Sugar on Me..." but putting the boys and their 80s hair right next to a photo of your kids? For everyone to see? Really?

What will tomorrow bring? TGIF, everybody!

No Autographs, Please

So lastnight I had my local television debut. As part of a project I've been working on, I presented some information to a City Council, which was taped and will be on continuous loop at City Hall, and will replay on local access television. Did I mention this also happens to be the city I currently live in? Generally we consultants have the benefit of not living in the area where the local broadcast is televised, so we can live in blissful ignorance of our performance. But I can watch and critique myself. Yee-ha.

I had a bit of a rocky start. Im typically an adequate multi-tasker, but adjusting the mic (because it's always too short for me), remembering the words, moving the slides, not saying "um," deciding whether to look at the big screen or the computer screen in front of me, while still maintaining some semblance of eye contact with the 25 people staring at you (including your boss and client), is a bit daunting. Podiums have always been uncomfortable for me. I always feel weird behind there - don't know what to do with my HANDS, always feel like I'm bending down weird to reach the microphone. I'd feel better stepping out away from it, having my HANDS free and not having a barrier between me and the audience. But I pulled it together and did just fine in the end.

So do you notice a theme here? Ladies and Gentlemen, I am a Hand Talker. In casual conversation, my HANDS are moving like crazy. It's how I express myself I suppose. When I'm behind a podium I feel confined because I don't know what to do with my HANDS. Eureka! Note to self: get a lapel mic.

PS - I say local television debut, because seven years ago while visiting New York City, I had a 30-second interview air on MSNBC. National exposure, woo-hoo, I think a total of one person saw it. I had just gotten off the subway, having ridden the 7 train on my way to my first Mets game at Shea Stadium, and they wanted to ask some questions about John Rocker. I couldn't tell you what I said, but it was cool anyway.

Spring Has Sprung?

Well, my first week at my new job is over, and it was a little overwhelming at first, but by today I really felt a lot better. Part of that is because my new work schedule is four 9-hour days with a 4-hour day on Friday, and today is a lovely day. The sun is out and the snow is melting!

Also, I've received some lovely flowers last week, in addition to the ones I posted last week. So, in celebration of warm temps before the inevitable next March snowstorm, here are some symbols of Mother Nature's finest season.

This is the spring basket that Husband gave me on Monday...













...and today!

















Also, Mom and Dad sent me some congratulatory tulips to work this week, which really helped brighten up my new office. It's pretty bare in there, so these made it feel like "home."

ENJOY THE WEATHER!

Like the First Day of School

Well, today was Day 1 at my new job. I am tired, but it was a good day. Lots of orientation and getting toted around to meet everyone (office of about 48 people), lots of reading up on policies and procedures, and lots of figuring out how to use a new email system, voicemail, etc. It was nice to see a few familiar faces and they all seemed happy to see me too. There's a very good vibe at this place, and I'm looking forward to learning more what the company is all about.

Aside from the warm welcome from my new co-workers, I had some other warm fuzzies today. Emails from friends throughout the day, and at the end of the day, a very nice surprise...a call from my dad (thanks Dad!) My friend Kristy called on my way home, just to see how the day went and to tell me that perhaps I have inspired her to make some changes as well (I'm glad you are feeling better about things, Kristy!) And then, the cherry on top...when I walked in the door tonight, I was greeted by a card and a "spring mix" basket, which is all sprouts right now, but will soon burst forth with all my favorite spring blooms - compliments of Husband. A very fitting gift for a new beginning.