The End of the Road

Well folks, the time has come. After spending the past three months at home with my beautiful daughter, tomorrow I go back to work.

There are the obvious separation anxieties, the feelings that I'm going to miss something new Lucy does or that she's going to wonder why her mommy is not there as much. Although this will be extremely difficult, I know that it will get better and that we will still have a special bond. The fact that her father will be staying home with her the next 4 weeks eases that transition a bit. There is also a part of me that is looking forward to going back, to exercising that part of my brain again, and to getting into a more "normal" routine. But there is something else that has been bothering me as I prepare to go back.

A mere twelve weeks ago I gave birth; I brought forth a life into this world. As I look back I realize that my life, our family life, has changed so much in that time. Not only the physicality and emotionality of giving birth, but now having a baby relying on us for everything, and also having a teenager living with us now. This all happened about the same time. I have never really stopped to process this information, I just dug in and did what I needed to do. Life is really no longer about me, or about Husband and I (just walk into a room with a baby and you'll see what I mean!). Priorities are very different. At times the responsibility seems so heavy, and scary. There has been so much change, and things keep changing. It is now hitting me that this is a lot for a person to absorb.

Additionally, in going back to work I am now faced with the thing that I probably feared the most before I even had Lucy - maintaining work/life balance. I foresee this being the most meltdown-inducing situation in the coming months. My personality is such that I want to please everyone and do everything. I am an above average multi-tasker, but I have my limits. The trouble is, I don't always know when or how to stop. I forget that sometimes I need time just for me, and that's OK. I usually end up getting to my wit's end and temporarily falling off the edge. I can blame this on no one but myself, but I also need to rely on those closest to me to reel me in before I get too deep. Good news is, I now have a much greater incentive to maintain that balance.


Funny how someone so small, can teach a lesson so big.

So it's another deep breath, another step forward, another transition. Wish me luck!