In Memory

I learned this week that a high school classmate passed away. The funeral was this morning in Colorado. I sit here now, hours after he was laid to rest, collecting the thoughts and feelings that have been swirling in my mind and heart all week.

It's always a shock when someone so young is lost; we can't fathom how something so terrible could happen. Jon was a person full of life, living his dream, and on the cusp of starting a new chapter with a new love and family.

We were friends back in the day. The past 20 years I'd not seen him much, but had reconnected the past several years on Facebook, like so many classmates have. Sharing of photos and a few chats here and there have been my main connection to him in our adult lives. His posts reflected positivity; his photos full of his adventures in the mountains he loved. He was a person I truly enjoyed keeping in touch with, and admired for his obvious love of people and community as well as his dedication to fulfilling a dream and living life to the fullest.  Jon touched many lives, which has become apparent by the outpouring of grief and compassion by our high school community in the wake of his death. He had a warm smile (given readily), a love of the outdoors, good looks, intelligence, an appreciation of music and the arts,  a goofy sense of humor, and a gift for making people feel comfortable. His light will be greatly missed in this world.

This week I've turned to my memories to get me through. As I reminisced, I realized that I have some very singular memories of Jon that are frequently brought to mind as I go about my days. These memories are his legacy in my life. Here are two of my very favorites...

This is an unlikely pleasant memory, but one I cherish. Jon and I were part of a contingent of high school juniors and seniors who went on a Close-Up trip to Washington, D.C. for a week. The trip there was my first plane ride. Needless to say, my stomach did not agree with the flight. Jon was sitting next to me, and as I repeatedly hit the barf bag, he was appropriately concerned while simultaneously cracking jokes. It's such an encapsulation of who he was as a person, and it makes me smile every time. The whole trip itself is also a source of good memories.

My absolute favorite memory of Jon happened the summer before our sophomore year of high school, just before school started. I was at a sleepover with a bunch of girls, and Jon and our friend Jason came by. I was feeling down about a recent breakup and they stuck me in the back of a minivan (I think Jason was driving, but not sure), and we drove around for a bit. I was sitting in the backseat in my ESLEEP pajamas (remember those baseball jersey/boxer sets?), listening to those two loveable idiots screeching out the words to The Police's "Roxanne" and completely cracking up. It is a memory I recall every time I hear that song, and plenty of other times in between. I had so much fun with those two during our high school years.

I saw Jon a few times during college, but hadn't seen him much since then. As I think about his passing I lament that I didn't have the opportunity to know him better as an adult. I feel profound sadness for this loss but I know so many others close to him are grieving so deeply.  The only thing we have left are memories, but damn if they aren't some good ones. He had that effect on people. I wish it was something he had seen in himself, that would have turned him from the terrible, heartbreaking decision he made.

Jon's inscription in my junior yearbook reminds me that he always had this dream of living out West, and he worked hard to make it come true.

I only wish we'd had more time, and that I had been able to see him there, if only for a visit.

I hope you have found peace, friend. We are still working on it.