'Twas the Night Before Kindergarten...

The backpack is packed, the outfit is laid out, and the child is asleep. Tomorrow is the big day, and I've had bits and pieces of this blog roaming around in my head for a few weeks, and now I've finally reached the point (and summoned the courage) to write them down.

The past couple of weeks I've been off. Stressed, tired, cranky, emotional. As the end of the month loomed nearer, I grew more anxious. Kindergarten was coming.

All summer long I think I was in some sort of denial. It was still far away. I did all of the required things - filled out the forms, bought the school supplies. But it still wasn't here - just one of those things in the far-off distance.

Don't get me wrong, I want Lucy to go. She needs to go - she's beyond ready. I'm so very excited for her to experience new people, a new place, new things, new ways of learning. She's going to grow and learn so much socially and intellectually in this year.

Yes, my little girl is growing up, and there's nothing I can do about it. Time has gone by so, so fast...I mean, how the hell did we get from this:

to this:

to THIS, in such a short time?

Sigh. Heavy sigh, heavy heart. It's this weight I've been feeling. This is my baby. We're not having anymore kids, this is my only shot. They say the first five years of a child's life are the most impressionable. Did we do it right? This step into kindergarten is a big leap away from us. This is the point at which outside influences become much stronger, and from now on it will stay that way. Does she know what she needs to know? She doesn't know how to read, should I have pushed that more? Am I a bad mom because I didn't spend the summer practicing writing her name in lower case letters?  As if that isn't enough to worry about, my email inbox and Facebook feed has been full of back-to-school parenting articles like "10 Signs Your Kid is the Class Bully," and "Your 5-year-old: Brave New World," and "Keeping Your Young Daughter Body-Positive." Too. much. information. Then I got a reality check.

The other day in the car, out of the blue Lucy told me she was worried if the teacher gave her a paper with a line on it to cut, that she couldn't cut straight. "Mama, what happens if I can't cut straight?" Bless her little heart, this is the biggest thing she's worrying about, that she might get kicked out of kindergarten or get in trouble if she can't cut straight. So we talked about three important things to remember for kindergarten:

1) Try your best.
2) Be kind.
3) Be respectful.

That's all I can ask of her, and that's all I can ask of myself. I took last Friday off, and we had orientation today so it was a nice 5-day hiatus. I had some time to think. I also had some time to be fully immersed in my daughter's imagination, creativity, sass, and overall awesomeness.

You guys, she's going to be fine. We did fine (and it's not like we're done!) And you know what? Things are going to happen. Life happens. She's going to cry, she's going to be made fun of, she's going to get hurt. I can only hope we've given her the tools to dust herself off and try again. As if I needed some extra reassurance, today at orientation when it was time for the kids to separate from the parents and go outside with the paraprofessional, she charged forward with an eager smile and never looked back. I thought maybe something like that might make me feel sad, but it didn't. I felt proud. I felt reassured.

I love this child to the moon and back, and it's time to let her go just a little bit. I'm not saying I won't shed a tear tomorrow, I might. But I know she's going to rock it. As of tonight, Lucy is pretty confident she will, too. Check out her thoughts on kindergarten here.

Knock 'em dead, kid.